[Written by Norman Viss]

Assuming that you are at the point of wanting to buy a house in Italy – or perhaps you have already purchased one – it is clear that you are putting roots down in your new country and culture. Because of course no one buys a house on a whim, right?

That means the initial exploration of your new place has happened, and for whatever reason you have loved it (or someone!) enough to decide to make your life there. It is a significant change of thinking and feeling when you move from a tourist or temporary role to a more permanent one. That change is accompanied by a whirlwind of emotions, thoughts, desires and intentions.

It’s the intentions I’d like to focus on right now. Entering the expat life can be like falling in love: it is absolutely wonderful, but sometimes we forget to really think things through. What is it you are going for? What are your motivations? What do you really want?

An insider's point of view

What? What is that thing, or person, or attitude, or experience, or way of life you are looking for? Try to be as concrete as possible as you think this through. Dig beneath the surface and don’t be afraid to come up with the real answer. Some expats, for example, are not so much looking to build a new life as to run away from an old one. That makes a big difference in how successful your expat life will be. Find a way to discover what it is you are seeking.

And of course it is about you. What do you really want? Are you making choices that fit you, who you are and what you want to accomplish with your life? We all know there are lots of things we do which are for other people, not ourselves. Those other people can be actual people like parents, family, an employer, a lover. Or perhaps you are making some choices based on an ideal placed on you by “culture”. Take some time to identify what it is you really would want, if there were no other opinions around you. That doesn’t mean you totally ignore other people, but the fundamental motivational driver should be what you want to do.

Are you sure you really want what you are going for? This is probably the hardest question to answer, because the answer is often hidden in a swirl of emotions and circumstances. It can be especially confusing when your decisions are being made in and about another culture, with all of its unknowns. You may not come to know what you really wanted until you look back years later, but it is well worth taking some time to try to discover, as best you can, what it is you are really looking for as you put roots down.

A want is different than a need. Obviously we need to make some choices based on what we need. A house needs a roof, so any housing decision must include a house that either has a roof or a house on which you can put a roof. But it can be very enlightening to dig down beneath what you need and discover what you want. You will find some interconnection between the two, but when you are clear about what your wants are, you are on your way to thriving in your expat life.

Making the effort to discover what you really want does not only apply to expats. This is a good exercise for anyone. But expats face added challenges when moving into a new country and culture; sometimes the thrill and excitement of such newness can obscure real motivations and goals. That’s why it is good to be intentional and know why you are making the choices you make.

Buy your home. Put your roots down. Enjoy immersing yourself in the new culture. If it’s what you really want, you’ll love it!

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Blogpost written by Norman Viss, coach at Expat Everyday Support Center. They help expats connect to their worlds by providing unique online coaching support for the challenges of everyday expat life. Their support keeps the same hours you do!